He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize