Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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