I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
