we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
