We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize