and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
