well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ladies don't puke and tell
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
