I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
