I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
