watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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