just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
