Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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