We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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