random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
