Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
