She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
