So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
