Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
