haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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