Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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