that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
