trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
