Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
