Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
