Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
