I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
