i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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