The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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