I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize