What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
