The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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