WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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