I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
