So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
