Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
