dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
