the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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