wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
