im gay
i know
yea but for you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
