I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
