Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
