Jerry, you need to find god
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
