somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize