Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
