Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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