her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
