great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
