saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
