conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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