The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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