Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
