Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
