just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
