So drunk its hurt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
