So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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