watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
