My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize