I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
