i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
