uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
