I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
