but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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