just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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