This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
