i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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