please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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