Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
