if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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