Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I could fuck to npr.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
