I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize