Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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