Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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