with your own penis?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
