So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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