So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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