i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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