Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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