So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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